Ah, Cameron Highlands. It all started so innocently.

Known for its tea plantations, Cameron Highlands was our destination pick for ringing in the 2016 New Year. We didn't pick this area because it's known for partying or even celebrating (who are we to judge, neither are we Cameron Highlands) but because it was a means to and end: Penang -- the food mecca of Malaysia. We'll get to that next. But let's chat a bit about our twenty-four stay. This story has a bit of everything. Sleeping before midnight? Check. Near death experience in a tub of strawberries? Double check.

Death by Strawberries

Given that there isn't much to do in Cameron Highlands (You know, besides hiking. We couldn't partake because the miniature sized carry-on luggage we are left home with was already one-too-many-leggings full), so instead we opted upon arrival at our hotel to indulge in two of our favorite things: afternoon high tea and spa treatments. Like I said, it all started out innocently. Sadly there are no pictures of the tea because I inhaled everything in site. But that leads me to the real crux of this twenty-four-hour tale. The spa experience.

Aside from tea, Cameron Highlands is also known for strawberries. And our hotel, placating to their audience (read: white people who love the novel idea of bathing in strawberries... like me), offered a magical experience called Fresh Strawberry Escapade. Who doesn't especially love the fact that this three-hour experience costs the bargain price of $100 USD. You do not want to break your new Malaysia massage tradition which has consisted of a massage every single day so you sign up.

Now let me set the scene for you. You walk into a room with a beautiful claw-foot tub beautifully organized with a TV showing images of tea plantations. You swing your legs over the edge of the rub and feel the water. You think, "pretty. hot." Remember when you were a kid and your mom drew you a bath but the water was too hot so you just stood around waiting for it to cool down? That was me. Ok back to the story. Soon you’re submerged from the neck down. You are enjoying this weird sarong they gave you to wear. In your bathtub caddy/tray, you find a refreshing lemonade-like beverage and a cold washcloth that smells like some type of delicious essential oil. Off to a great start.

Once you’ve finished your drink (i.e., approximately 1.5 minutes later), you’re ready for this experience to be over. How much time has gone by? Why doesn’t this room have a clock! The whole time you’re thinking, “Something is wrong with you. Why can’t you just relax?” The water seems to be getting hotter and hotter, and you know you’re just making this up in your head, but seriously you need some air conditioning up in this place. After what felt like an eternity, the lovely masseuse tells you that it’s time for the next phase of your treatment. You think, “Thank the Lord Jesus Christ I need to get out this f’ing bathtub.” You stand up – the lights go out. Literally you can't see.

I’ve never experienced anything like this in my life. I felt like I was going to throw up. I could barely see, I couldn’t hear. I thought for sure I was going to vomit in the tub of strawberries. I walked over to this bed where I was instructed to lay down and drink some water. Not because the lady realized I was about to faint but because that was just the next phase in this treatment. After a few minutes, I finally felt better but was shook. What the f just happened?

The next phase of this spa treatment was a “body polish” where they scrub you and then wrap you in what I have labeled, a survival blanket. This was not enjoyable at all given my close encounter with fainting only minutes earlier. Not to mention, this strawberry escape made me feel like I was living in a Special K cereal box. You know, the one with the strawberries? Then they wrap you like a mummy in this survival blanket which again leads to the overheating of my body. This is undoubtedly where a normal person would say something, right? But I’m not normal. I proceed for the next thirty minutes to start falling asleep but convince myself that I am passing out so flail my arms and legs but I can’t break this deathly swaddle.

Finally the nightmare is over. The last part of the experience was a massage and I have to say, I’m not sure if it was my run-in with death or whatever, but this was one of the best massages I have ever had in my life.

When I reunited with my phone, I quickly tried to find the answers to my thirty-second black out. Luckily my good friend Yahoo Answers, or more particularly a lovely (alleged) medical assistant, answered "frannyglasses" question (you really have to love the people who post questions like this on the Internet) regarding this same scenario. Apparently hot water dilates your blood vessels causing low blood pressure. Can you believe this story?

Boh Tea Plantations

The next morning we hopped in a car and headed over the Boh Tea Plantations. Turns out like most things on New Years Day, the daily tour was not scheduled to take place. Instead they just told us to walk around and have a look.

We weren't quite sure what we were looking at and were sad to have missed all of the fun facts that they would have told us about tea during the British colonial era.